Quote from phantomness on 20 June 2023, 00:06

Through a lot of counseling and therapy as well as meditation and healing, I have come to the conclusion that no one can make you a victim. It seems somewhat blunt and callous to say it that way, so I will try to explain further. In my own example, I was raped as a very young child by a family member. That would, technically, make me a victim. Indeed, I still often feel like a victim. But I have resolved to move past it day by day. I do not want to think of myself as a victim of rape, even though it happened. I want to define myself as a valuable, worthy, and worthwhile person despite what happened to me. I want to be more than a rape victim. I want to be a whole person, a loving, lovable person.

If all my thoughts revolved around the fact that I was raped and thus unworthy and defiled, that would be letting the rapist 'win', despite the fact that he is already dead and buried. I would be carrying around that fact like a Scarlet Letter or some other brand. I would be beating myself up for something that was done to me beyond my control. I would be constantly abusing myself despite the fact that my abuser was no longer abusing me. This self-abuse would be even worse than what he had initially done to me because it would be a daily eroding of my self-esteem and self-worth.

So instead of doing negative self-talk every day, for example, saying 'I am ugly', or 'I am so stupid, why did I do that', or 'I can't do anything right', and repeating those things inside my head, I want to replace it with positive self-talk, or at least neutral, like 'Everyone makes mistakes', and 'I am a valuable person'. I want to affirm myself instead of tearing myself down. I want to build myself up.

That is what I think of as resolve.
~Phantomness