Quote from Crackers on 20 June 2023, 00:04

Hello u have an old soul reason for feeling of not fitting hun the soul knows nothing of this time era ur openness to it hasn't been released beliefs are all urvown but the soul wants to share about once was with u so ur learning is more n more abundant in past life as well as this one once u have opened n learned from it will be like fireworks for u to celebrate a new life hug

Quote from M.Stone on 20 June 2023, 00:04

Thank you for the reading. I really appreciate it.

Quote from Light and Dark on 20 June 2023, 00:04

Hello, M.Stone...

Please just know I am not doing a reading. It's more of like a letter from me.

M.Stone...

I do not know what is my "true purpose" in this world...yet and you know what? I am okay with that! I wanted to ask you is this... are you okay with feeling uncertainty? I am asking you this because we are constantly faced with uncertainty and we have been told that it's not okay to feel this way. Why? Where does this belief coming from? it could be due to society, culture, family, friends, church, people, or whatever the belief we have in our head and what we see and heard in our surroundings. If you're able to accept with feeling uncertainty...then you can actually enjoy the adventure. Life is a journey and realize that life is an adventure and part of the adventure of life is being in that state you are in now. If everything were already clear to you now, everything were already mapped out, then there would be no evolution of yourself. Another very helpful thing to remember is one of the most wonderful things is in your life is to make mistakes because mistakes means you realize "oh, that's wasn't my purpose." So you get a little bit closer to your true purpose and then you might think "oh, that is my purpose!" and then after a while you realize "no, that's not my purpose". It's very helpful to make mistakes because you begin to realize what it is that is right for you.

It's interesting how you described this feeling like something is missing. And you felt like you don't really belong in this world. This is just my perspective to offer you and maybe you can think about it. I think the emptiness we're feeling internally is our separation from God/Universe/Source/He/She/It/Higherself/etc...whatever you want to name it. Let's think about it for a mintue here... Let's say if I was your mother and I was pregnant with you, I would talk to you several times throughout the day and I would rub my stomach and tell you how special you are and how much I loved you. I would hug my tummy and send as much love as I could inside. But I knew in my heart that the best thing to do for you to place you for adoption. I took the time that I had with you seriously and felt it was really important to give you the best "beginning" possible. You heard my voice and knew me as your source, from the time of your conception throughout your development in my womb. Now you laid in the nursery for a few days before going to your new family. Nurses held you and fed you, but for this tiny little baby, who had only known one source, you must have felt a deep sense of loss. The safety inside the womb and the voice that nurtured and loved you unconditionally was gone. Your parents were very happy to have you and they showered you with as much love and gratitude as they could, but they were a different set of voices with different feelings than the ones you had come to know and rely on, and I can only imagine that within that little baby, there was a deep sense of loss and separation. This is how our souls continually feel about our source until we once again find that energy that created us and become reconnected with it. This world is full of overweight, drug-addicted, gambling, sex-addicted, shopaholic, materialistic and so on who are searching so hard outside of themselves for something that will satisfy that homesickness. We do just about everything we can think of to distract us from feeling that disconnection from our source and the distractiongs aren't working. We all crave inspiration and when we don't get it, we reach for anything we can find to soothe ourselves which is why we are such a heavily addicted society. So many people are at a loss regarding where to begin when starting a real realtionship with our Source. The journey for each of us will be different, so I cannot tell you what will work for you. <3

I am happy to hear that you are not looking to be told who you are or defined by another person. Have you heard this line, "Just be you!". The truth is - We cannot teach you how to be "you". You have to find to be "you" on your own. And this is what you came here for...to learn about yourself.. and find yourself...and what is your purpose of being here in this world. Have you been told in the past...and maybe even now - that you "should" be this, that, there, and etc. I do not like the word "should" because I believe the word "should" is the one of the most damaging words we use in our language. Every time we use "should", we are, in effect, saying "wrong". Either we are wrong, or we were wrong, or we are going to be wrong. So we need to remove "should" from the vocabulary forever and replace it with "could" because "could" gives us choice and we are never wrong. I don't think we need more wrongs in our life and we need more freedom of choice. I think a lot of times when we are being told that we "should" or have this "should" lists.... I have noticed that many things that I "should" are things I never wanted to do and I was only trying to please people just because I was afraid or feel that I am not good enough and that I am not fitting their standards. That is when I look at my life in a new and different way. Living a brave life means sometimes we will disappoint some people. People who cares for you, people who are supporting for your rise will not be disappointed. People who are disappointed are the ones who have their own agendas.

I want to tell you that you are loved. You truly are loved. Your neck and shoulders support your head. The bones and muscles of your chest support your breathing. The chair you are sitting on supports your body and the floor supports that chair. The earth supports the building you are in. And the man that just walked by you not knowing who he is...can you be sure that he isn't playing a part in your support? He may work every day in a cubicle, filing papers for the power company that makes your light come on. There are people around us..the countless hands and eyes working behind the scenes. Everything supports you whether or not you even notice it. Whether or not you think about it or understand it, whether you love it or hate it, whether you're happy or sad, asleep, or awake, motivated or unmotivated. It just supports you without asking for anything in return. You are truly loved. You are truly supported. Life loves you. And notice that when you are sitting in your chair as you breathe, you are not doing the breathing, you're being breathed. You don't even have to be aware of it, you don't even have to remember to breathe, because that is supported too..... It was really wonderful to have you here with us, M. Stone....... We love you and you are always welcome here....... Thank you for letting me to share my love for you

Quote from M.Stone on 20 June 2023, 00:04

First of all, thank you SO much for the reply. It's nice to know someone is listening and cares enough to reach out.

To answer your question, I am very uncomfortable with uncertainty. You are correct about how society puts so much pressure on us to be certain of everything, especially in the U.S. One always has to be going someplace. One can never just be. One always has to be working towards what society thinks is acceptable and if one bucks the system then all hell breaks loose. It's a difficult thought pattern to break when one is raised in such a culture. If you're not going along with the culture then you're useless or worse than useless because you're taking up resources.

That's one of the big thoughts/feelings of my life that confuse, upset, and depress me. "What's the point of life if all life is is chasing money or status or 'the american dream'?" I don't want any of that crap; I just want to find where I fit in and just be me/happy. I want to enjoy my existence. But in this culture that's heretical to want and dangerous to seek. It feels like the world's crazy and has everything backwards. I've had to fight and survive so much just to even try to be what feels right, good, and natural to me. It's never been easy. There has always been someone to fight me and say, "You can't be that.", even in the 'spiritual community'.

I like your analogy about being separated from the divine. I've often said in my life, and still feel, that I don't belong here. I often think, "I want to go home." referring to the afterlife or other-side or 'where my people are'. Since I was a child I've been in contact with several beings that would come to me regularly in my dreams. They would help me, give me information, and warm me about events that were going to happen, and they have never been wrong. Never in my life have I ever felt like I've belonged or fit in anywhere or with any group of people. Except with them. "My people." I can't even describe my feelings for them, but you described how I feel perfectly with your analogy. My 'adopted' family love me and want me but no matter what I don't feel like I am a part of the family. They're strangers to me. MY family is 'my people'. I KNOW I'm one of them. I KNOW they're my family and tribe. I'm like a fish living in an entire world full of dogs and the rest of the fish are in the ocean. They're not physically here with me and I'm not there with them. I'm out of my natural environment and all I want to do is go back to them so I can be home. It's torture. It's not that I don't love my 'adopted family', I do, but no matter what happens they will always be dogs and I will always be a fish out of water.

Sorry if this post veered off topic. After reading your post and analogy I had to reply. I would have probably posted a longer reply but in the full editor I can't read your reply and jog my memory of everything I wanted to say. Maybe I'll make another post later adding to this one.

Thank you again for your reply.

Quote from greyowl59 on 20 June 2023, 00:04

I read in your picture someone who has felt like does not fit here on earth. You may or may not have awareness of being an old soul who originated on another planet, and as part of an another race. With this comes a desire, at times, to be removed from this alien place you are in. Often people who feel as you do agreed to incarnate here on earth to help people and help raise vibration. People likely gravitate to you to share their woes. A traumatic birth could have removed soul energy, leaving you depleted. This could be resolved via soul retrieval work or via regression therapy work.

Quote from M.Stone on 20 June 2023, 00:04

greyowl59 wrote: ↑Tue Oct 03, 2017 11:41 pm
I read in your picture someone who has felt like does not fit here on earth. You may or may not have awareness of being an old soul who originated on another planet, and as part of an another race. With this comes a desire, at times, to be removed from this alien place you are in. Often people who feel as you do agreed to incarnate here on earth to help people and help raise vibration. People likely gravitate to you to share their woes. A traumatic birth could have removed soul energy, leaving you depleted. This could be resolved via soul retrieval work or via regression therapy work.

Thank you for the reading Greyowl. People do tend to tell me things easily. I'm a good listener and am interested in hearing about what is important to the person I'm listening to. I tend to barrage people with questions about their lives.

Quote from Light and Dark on 20 June 2023, 00:04

Oh goodness...it's been my pleasure to write this letter because I love you.

Okay - Let's talk about this thought that confuse, upset and depress you. Notice those thoughts and notice how you react to those thoughts. Who would you be without those thoughts? How do you feel without those thoughts?

You know, it is easy to be swept away by some overwhelming feeling, so it's helpful to remember that any stressful feeling is like a compassionate alarm clock that says, "You're caught in the dream." Depression, pain, and fear are gifts that say, "Take a look at what you're thinking right now. You're living in a story that isn't true for you." Caught in the dream, we try to alter and manipulate the stressful feeling by reaching outside ourselves. We are usually aware of the feeling before the thought. That's why I say the feeling is an alarm clock that lets you know there's a thought behind it and investigating that untrue thought will always lead you back to who you really are. It hurts to believe you're other than who you are, to live any story other than happiness.

I would like to share that there are three different types of business which is my business, your business, and God's business and that would be the god of each of our own understanding. So in other words, it could be like the waves in the ocean, the rain, the sun, the sky. So three kinds of business in all of the universe.

For example I am having a thought that says "M.Stone doesn't like me, doesn't care about me".

Now whose business is it who I like? Mine. Whose business isn't who M.Stone likes? His.

Okay, so if we stay in our business, we can take of our entire lives in a way that is so simple that inquiry gives us....we take direction out of that inquiry. So, "M.Stone doesn't like me, doesn't care about me" How terrible of him. Okay, no! It's how terrible of me to not care about another human being -- "What is wrong with me?". So, I always look back to the self.

Now... if M.Stone says, "I don't like you, I don't care about you" I can experience gratitude that there's someone there that likes me and cares about me, and it's me. And there's someone there that likes him and cares about M.Stone anyway, and it's me. And let's say M.Stone says "He doesn't like me and doesn't care about me and I remember what it feels like not to like and not to care about someone. So rather than resentment and separation, I'm in a state of gratitude and compassion...and in that, I stay connected with that other human being. And it's...it's my job to be happy...that's our birth right, our birth right is to be happy under all conditions. And I am going happy! I mean balance, just balance, just simple compassion for those who aren't there yet. You know?

So when I am having this thought "M.Stone doesn't like me or doesn't care about me", I immediately experienced a feeling of loneliness or hurt. I realized that every time in my life that I had felt hurt or lonely, I had been in someone else's business. If you are living your life and I am mentally living your life, who is living mine? We're both over there. Being mentally in your business keeps me from being present in my own. I am separate from myself, wondering why my life doesn't work. To think that I know what's best for anyone else is to be out of my business. Even in the name of love, it is pure arrogance and the result is tension, anxiety, and fear. Do I know what's right for me. That is my only business. Let me work with that before I try to solve your problems for you.

So if you understand the three types of business enough to stay in your own business, it could free your life in a way that you can't even imagine. The next time you're feeling stress or discomfort, ask yourself whose business you're in mentally, and you may burst out laughing! That question can bring you back to yourself. And you may come to see that you've never really present, that you've been mentally living in other people's business all your life. Just to notice that you are in someone else's business can bring you back to your own wonderful self. And if you practice it for a while, you may come to see that you don't have any business either and that your life runs perfectly well on its own.

I've learned from a wonderful friend and author - that if I think beautiful thoughts about you, I love you. If I think terrible thoughts about you, I hate you. It's all in me, what does it have to do with you? I'm putting my beliefs on you and calling it "you". 🙂

Quote from M.Stone on 20 June 2023, 00:04

You're absolutely right. The advice you've given me is advice that I'm coming to realize I have to live even if it's the scariest thing in the world. By that I mean loving myself enough to not judge myself by other's views. I understand that I'm minding other's business by being afraid of being rejected. The very fear of being rejected is minding other's business. "What will they think of me?" So what if I look like a fool while dancing; it's my business, not theirs. It's easy to say but so hard to do.

Almost my entire life is halted because I'm afraid of rejection. It's stopped me from living my life the way I want to. It's me minding their business. My only question is how do I change it? Do I start by watching my thoughts and making sure I'm always minding my own business? I know I'm imprisoning myself but how do I change it? How do I stop being a coward. I want to be free from it probably more than I want anything else in life but I don't know how. Do I just force myself to take the leap and force myself to dance in front of others or wear occult paraphernalia in front of my very religious, christian aunts? I'm literally asking you.

It is THE most frightening thing I have EVER felt. It's held me prisoner and caused me to suffer so much. Is it as simple as deciding that what makes me feel good comes first and damn the consequences? Do I just need to conquer the fear? jump off the cliff even-though I'm afraid I'll die? Or is it more complicated than that? Again, I'm literally asking.

I know I HAVE to do it. I WANT to do it. I want to be free. How do I beat this?

Quote from Light and Dark on 20 June 2023, 00:04

Okay. I am going to ask you this... Are you living with your aunts? If yes then I can see why it's difficult. The truth is you are the one who have the power. And you are the one with thoughts. Not them. I am a people pleaser, too. It's a terrible disease to have. Disease to please! LOL! Oprah Winfrey said "Successful is getting to the point where you are absolutely comfortable with yourself, and it does not matter how many things you have acquired. The ability to learn to say no and not to feel guilty about it, to me, is about the greatest success I have achieved." I also remember the poem called Invictus and there's a line where it says, "I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul". Don't you love that?!

You know...I have spoke with a few people who are young like us and they have gone to college and got their bachelor's degree. I met a woman at the gym and she told me that she changed her majors 4 times. I said, "is it because of your family?" She said "Yes... because the last 3 majors that I did, it was because of them. But the 4th one...this time I choose it and I am absolutely happy about it. I am going to graduate next year for sure!". I also spoke with a lady in school bus. She told me that she got her master's degree but didn't use it because she's just doing it for her family. Instead of her master's degree, she choose to be a bus driver and been doing it for 20 years...and she loved it! So I knew there are many young adults that who have gone to college and graduated with a bachelor's degree, but many of them are just doing it because they are being told what to do by their family. This is one of the examples why we cannot find our own voice and trust that voice.

So....you see, I am still learning. But I choose to be in my own business mentally and when I did that, I am in peace. I am the voice of my own, not their voices of me. Does that make sense for you? You are the only one who have the power to choose how to react to whatever that is outside of you and you also have the power from within...they cannot take away your personal beliefs. They can't...unless if you allow yourself to do so.

Since you have Christians aunts then I will share about the Lord's prayer where it says "Give us this day our daily bread". God doesn't tell us to ask for our needs to be met for the week, or month, or year. God suggests we take it one day at a time. When we ask our inner voice for help and guidance for the day, we are asking for our daily bread. Whenever you find yourself feeling overwhelmed, ask yourself, "Have I stopped living in the now?". We all do it. We try to anticipate the things that will happen in the future so we can feel in control of our lives, but we almost always end up feeling overwhelmed and out of control. The best way to be in control of our lives is to stay in the present moment. Listening to your inner guidance helps you connect with the present. Look at your day planner and ask for guidance for the day. Just today. Take your day in sections. A great thing happens when we focus on the present is that it is not only reduces stress and makes life a lot more enjoyable, it takes care of the future as well. You only have today, so get creative with your time and enjoy it. Now is all you've got. <3

One day when you are strong enough to stand on your own... then you will know what to do. That is your choice. But for now...just take your time....Be in your own pace.... Learning more about yourself. Start loving yourself. Be your own voice. Enjoying the now. Be present. That's what I am doing right now.. Just know that I love you and you don't have to worry about me rejecting you. 😉

Quote from M.Stone on 20 June 2023, 00:04

Thank you Silent for not only writing your first post but for continuing to converse with me. Because of you I finally identified the problem that has been plaguing me for over half my life. While writing this post I recognized that it wandered all over the place but it still pertains to my main problem/post. I apologize for my rambling in the below post.

Thank you, Silent.

I also live in the bible belt, lol. I don't live with my aunts; I just love them very much and am afraid of being rejected by them. I know that if they really loved me back they wouldn't. Now that I'm thinking about it I realize that all of my fears are based on my terror of not being loved or rather my internal feeling of not being worthy of love. I mean, what is rejection? Rejection is someone saying that you are not acceptable and if you aren't accepted then you aren't loved. One has to be accepted first before one can be loved. Why am I afraid of not being worthy of love? Because I don't accept and love myself. Inside I feel that I'm bad, unworthy of acceptance and love.

Following that chain of logic I can recognize three distinct parts of me that are misaligned. There's who I am or my true-self, which, probably, has existed since birth. There's the part of me that rejects my true-self, which I'm guessing started to exist around my early teens. There's my consciousness that recognizes those other two parts of myself. Both my true-self and the aspect that rejects the true-self must reside in the unconscious, warring with each other, thus causing my consciousness pain, confusion, and distress. That's why I've never had a sense of self.

I've know who I am on an unconscious level but the development or integration of who I am into my consciousness has been prevented by the self-rejecting aspect that also exists in the unconscious. I've believed that I'm am less than worthless for so long that it's taken the place of my true-self in both my conscious and unconscious. What's the solution to the problem? I have to accept and love myself in totality. That's why I've been so afraid. I'm terrified to accept and love myself. Why? I have no idea.

I don't even know how to start accepting and loving myself. This is going to be the hardest and most frightening thing I've very had to do in my entire life but I also know it will be the best thing I've ever done as well. The tricky part is figuring out how to start. I've, finally, identified the problem. That's half the battle. Next, I have to figure out how to begin accepting and loving myself.

Thank you SO SO SO much Silent. You have no idea how much you helped me. You may have just given me a life; a reason for being. I can't possibly thank you for what you've done.

I hope to hear back from you soon,

M.

Quote from Light and Dark on 20 June 2023, 00:04

M.Stone.... Oh goodness...It's been my pleasure to converse with you. I love reading your posts.

I love how you described the word "rejection" and what it really means. You also saw that you need to accept and love yourself. It has nothing to do with people but it's the reflection of your own thinking to show you what's going on in your mind, just to notice those thoughts, question those thoughts and meet them with an understanding.

I believe the reason you are feeling afraid to accept and love yourself in totality because you are waking up to reality. It was so amazing and the ego just had to shut it off. It was losing the self. You are having this self-realization experience which means it showed us something that it was so frightening, we are afraid of it and you know, it's an ego's trick...it's how it can keep its identification. It's just not serious and the ego just grab at something horrendous just to keep its identification. It was the false identity intact. Fear comes from our egoic mind and fear does not understand love because it's unknown to fear. Fear has never been your true nature. Love is your true nature, sweetheart. It was beyond the thinker until that thought disconnected the experience you're having. Thought isn't the problem. It's that you believed the thought and that was a disconnect that took you from your true nature into the world "I'm bad, unworthy of acceptance and love."

Living in this western culture taught us differently.... We were taught from an early age to try to accommodate those around us, to follow certain rules of behavior, to suppress our spontaneous impulses and to do what is expected of us. We also have been taught what is "right" and what is "wrong" and so on. There are so many beliefs or ideas that has been planted in our heads. We've been living in our heads and we haven't been in present moment. I truly believe that this is the reason why we couldn't find who we really are. Living in this western culture is very difficult.....and we are here for a good reason whether we understand it or not.

Now you are on this "loving yourself" journey... and it's a wonderful journey to be on. I'm so glad that you and I both are experiencing "awakening" on this journey together.

It's been...such a privilege..... talking with you. It truly is. I've been in your shoes before...and I didn't have anyone to explain it to me...to tell me about things that I wanted to know, what I needed to hear. I found books that I was meant to read and they helped me tremulously. This is no accident that you and I are meant to have this conversation. You are the gift to me. This is truly a miracle......Thank you.... Thank you...

Loving Silent Voice