Which direction
Hi. My name is octavia and im 48. Im married but been separated from spouse for 9 years waiting on his immigration Visa. Im leaning towards divorce. Im not the same person. My husband name is saef. This year i decided to see other people. I been without intimacy for too long. I met this young guy name Derek. He's like 27 and sexy. I think he likes me and my age doesn't matter. He's hot headed but im still drawn to him. Can you tell me what saef and derek feels for me? I dont know which way to go.
Hi Octavia!
On first impression it feels like to me that both of these men are off in their own worlds living their own lives. Your husband is more of an intellectual, fast moving man that's very busy in his day-to-day affairs, fast moving mind, might even have anger issues or struggle with going too fast, being too busy. But it doesn't really feel like you're in that picture.
Derek I guess is more tender-hearted, softer, more emotionally reflective, deeper. This doesn't necessarily mean he's right for YOU. On a gut level I get the sense he's similarly caught up in his own life and world, just in his own way. Your husband is caught up in his mind and material affairs, Derek is more caught up daydreaming, sort of taking a stroll down his own emotions, trying to figure out what he wants and feels. It's not that he's a bad person, I just feel as though you're trying to find your world in someone else's, and that's always a recipe for disappointment.
You have to go your OWN way, find your OWN path and the people that are meant to accompany you will naturally appear as you follow that path (I know it's something that sounds hard to believe, but when you find and walk your path you'll see it). Those two guys are off figuring out their own worlds. Take some time, give yourself permission to not fully know what you want your life to be, you're allowed to not know. You're allowed to take time to spend with yourself to get to know yourself. I think if you give yourself permission to get to know and simply focus on YOU, however uncertain that *you* might feel like at this moment, the decision between the guys won't be a decision at all: you'll have found it'll have made itself.
The people that are meant to stay stick, those that aren't fall away! Focus on you and the universe will configure itself as appropriate.